Whilst I'd like everyone to think a lot has happened in my life since I purchased the Golden Mango™, nothing actually has. I did lose a tooth though. Now I have a hideously ugly completly metal one, a small souvenir of Japan's mineral deposits rammed into my gum. It's not finished yet, they're going to add more metal next week. They stick a smaller lump of metal to the bigger lump of metal and you're able to eat steak again as well as giving airport security a few abnormal beeps to panic over. Apparently all my back teeth are done for. From smoking since my teens. I'm advised to think about getting a blender. The new NHS cigarette pack warnings have come just a little too late. Let this be a lesson teenagers . If cancer is too unreal during your immortal years maybe your inherent vanity can be appealed to.

That's not my mouth in the picture, by the way.